Jane and the Shoes (Madrid 1992)

(cont.)

   At like 21:00 (I had to do it)....we went into another shoe store, because Jane, Kara, and I saw shoes we wanted to try on.  Both Kara and I tried on shoes, and then decided to buy them.  Jane finally got up enough nerve to ask to try on a pair.  While she was trying them on, we three were sitting facing the door.  All of a sudden, a man rushed into the store holding on to another man.  He had him in a headlock, and I just assumed he was giving him a friendly noogie.  I realized my blunder when I saw the blood dripping from his mouth.  It turns out that the bloody man tried to steal some shoes that were outside on clearance, and got caught in the act.
   So the shoe people rushed him to the back room.  Barb was about to throw up because the whole thing was pretty gruesome.  We wanted to leave, but Jane wanted to buy her damn black shoes.  So she got back in line.  I guess those shoes meant the world to her.  I guess she'd never seen anything quite like those shoes.
   Everyone else was running out of the store because the noogie victim was coming back to the front of the store.  But not Jane......the fighter for the black shoes.
   By this time we were begging Jane to leave the store, because the bloody man was screaming (right by Jane).  But she wouldn't listen to reason.
   Barb, Kara, and I ran out of the store.  Jane was the only person left in the store.  They had turned the lights out.  Jane was still in line, ladies and gentlemen.  We yelled at her to come on.
   Finally, ten minutes later, Jane came out from the store, with a bag in her hand.  The shoes were hers.  We asked her if she was crazy, and this is what she said:
 
   "Tricia and Kara got a pair of fucking shoes, and this fucking guy cut in front of me.  I wanted those fucking shoes!!!".......

   Needless to say, the "shoe incident" was just about the funniest thing that happened on the trip.

    (to be cont.)...

cussing sprees (Madrid 1992)

(cont.......)

   So there was this huge mess, because Kara and I had to hunt the Bakers down to tell them that so far the trip was terrible, that there was no way we would go to different rooms, and we finally found them in the lounge.  That was pretty much the first chance that we had to get to know Barb.  She is seventeen, and lives in a suburb of Las Vegas called Henderson .  She is very punk rock and wears Doc Martin boots and vintage clothing.  She was asking us what the matter was, and she asked if we wanted to go out with her that night.
   It finally got arranged that Kara would share a room with Barb and another Vegas girl named Kristen.  I would have to share a room with Jane, who by the way is a hypochondriac.  She suffers from flat feet, toothaches, severe thirst that can never be quenched, and a bladder control problem (evidently when she went to Girl Scout camp in third grade she didn't go to the bathroom even once, because the outhouses were "so fucking disgusting ", and hence the bladder problem).  She is also half deaf in one ear.  Yesterday she was complaining because her feet were "pussing", and her toenail was split in half.  She also can not be around cigarette smoke ( which is a problem in Europe) because her eyes water, and she is unable to breathe through her nose.
   I really feel sorry for her, and I've tried to be nice to her, but it's hard because Kara and I find it all too funny.

   ***Jane also goes on cussing sprees.  For example, "I fucking came on this fucking trip so I could fucking sleep with you guys, and not some fucking girls who can't talk right.

hilarity ( Madrid April 19, 1992)

   (cont.......)........

   This Spanish man wearing these Top Gun sunglasses was in the square pretending to hold a microphone and singing at the top of his lungs.  Everyone else seemed to be ignoring him, but of course Kara and I were hysterical.  Then he was looking at one of us, and we pretty much assumed that we were being serenaded.  Whenever he would pause between songs, he would applaud himself. I started to applaud also, but since no one else in the whole square did, Kara made me stop.
   So then we headed back to the Hotel Regina, where the man at the front desk was rude as hell.  When I asked for our key, he informed me that all three of us would have to move our stuff immediately to different rooms.  I told him to fuck off (just kidding).  Anyway, when we got to our room, we noticed that the maids had attempted to pack our stuff for us.  Then we got a call from Carina telling us to immediately evacuate our room," bring our luggage to the lobby".  I told her to sit and spin (just kidding Jane said that ancient phrase throughout the trip though).

(to be cont.....)